Lessons from Summer Salt

Today's post is about some of the things I learned at Summer Salt. Some of them are serious, some silly, and some somewhere in between. I'll just jump right into it all. 

1. The appropriate amount of water you should be drinking is, and I quote, from one of the chaperones, "Drink it until you feel like you'll throw up of you drink anymore." She also said, "I'd rather you drink the water and throw it back up than not drink anything." The irony in this is I am very emetaphobic, (meaning scared of throwing up, or of other people throwing up. I personally am more freaked by other people doing it than myself, but still, being away from home I was definitely trying to avoid it as hard as I could) and when I told my sister what she had said my sister just laughed. 

2. I have amazing friends. I talked about this last week, but its worth mentioning again. :)

3. I need to work on keeping my head and heart connected. This is something I've struggled with this past year, in that I know all the answers to questions about Jesus, but I don't always take those things to heart. This is one thing I'm going to be working on, reminding myself to make that connection. 

4. I am not a person who will just eat whatever if I'm hungry enough. I am a person who will hold out and refuse to eat if I don't think I can eat it. I think this goes back to the emetaphobia thing, because I'm paranoid about eating something and it making me sick, so if it doesn't taste good, my body automatically decides the food is bad, and I won't eat it. 

5. Biology's got nothing on God. This is something I've always known, but I got to see it in action Thursday. Thursday morning I woke up with a stomach that didn't feel 100%. I wasn't able to eat anything for breakfast, and I only drank 1 little water bottle. I had to go to the ropes course that morning right after assembly, and I was scared I wouldn't make it, as I hadn't eaten anything, but I didn't want to tell anyone, because both other days I had missed different stuff because I felt sick. I was worried they wouldn't believe me or would be annoyed that I was complaining again. So I sucked it up, and went on the ropes course, and was totally fine. I did end up feeling bad later, but by that time it was free time and I was able to go back to my room and rest. By supper I was able to eat and was back to normal. 

6. Along with the ropes course, I learned I am not at all scared of the actual ropes course. I am, however, incredibly uncomfortable and anxious around other people, specifically crying, terrified ones who I just met. 

7. My story isn't my story, its His story of His work through my life. This is something that I wrote down during one of the sermons. I'm trying to keep this in mind when I blog about stuff, because really, my life isn't about me, its about Him. 

8. If something won't fit in a bag, don't force it in and hope it stays. Find a new way to carry it. Otherwise, you *might* end up losing your wallet. This is especially bad if you have stored >20$, your meal card, and room key in that wallet. Don't ask how I know this. (and if you do lose it, pray someone turns it in, with everything perfectly intact, and it all ends ok)

9. Finally, you can stack buttered bee bees for an hour. This is something that my grandfather used to say all the time, and I really love it. It means that you can do anything as long as there is a definite ending time. On the hardest days, when I was tired and ready to be done, I just kept repeating that in my head. 

So those were some of the lessons I learned at Summer Salt. I'm so glad I went, and I'm hoping I can go back next year. :) Xoxo

One Afternoon

Hey everybody! Today's post is a story I wrote in a creative writing class two years ago. I had to take two characters someone else created and use them in an original story. So, the main characters, Macie and Tommy, aren't mine, but the story and other characters are. I hope you enjoy it. 

One Afternoon by Kathryne Courtney 11/3/14

Macie

I wake up and it’s colder than usual, that’s when I remember I’m in New York City today, and it’s a lot colder here than Florida, where I live. I hear my little sister’s quiet breathing next to me, and I figure she must have gotten scared in the night and climbed in bed with me. I debate forcing her to go to her own bed, but decide against it. Mom and dad will be up soon, and Delaney will have to get out then anyway, because today we get to go on a walking tour of the city. So far I’m not a huge fan. The city is crowded and dirty, and the only ‘wildlife’ here are sewer rats and cockroaches. I hear mom and dad moving around; they’ll be in here soon. I hope today is more interesting than yesterday. It felt liked I’d be fourteen before we got done looking at all the museums my mom wanted see.

Tommy

I wake up and feel pleasantly warmer than usual. Spring in New York City is always nice. Hunger is always easier to ignore when you aren’t freezing as well. My stomach growls loudly, hoping I haven’t forgotten it. I know today I need to eat; I haven’t in several days. It's been rainy recently, which means no tourists out walking around in the fresh air, and locals are difficult to steal anything from, much less enough for a good meal. Tourists, on the other hand, are easy money. I hate that I have to take anything from anyone, but what else am supposed to do. Anytime they try to lock me up in a children’s home I run away, because living creatures aren’t supposed to be caged. When I turn sixteen I can get a job and save money to get an apartment and food and not have live on the streets anymore. “9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16,” I count my next birthdays on my fingers till’ I get to sixteen. Eight more years to go. I sigh, and get ready to start gathering my next meal.

Macie

We leave the apartment, off on our ‘adventure’ as mom insists on calling it. I think that is totally cheesy and stupid, but I was clearly outvoted, and now Delaney keeps saying “going on a a-venture, going on a a-venture” over and over. We turn a corner, trying to find this little book store my mom used to go to with her friends when the came here so many years ago. I think it’s gone by now, and now we’ve walked into an alley that looks pretty sketch, and I’m about to turn around and tell my parents what I think of this whole thing, when I feel something grab at my bag, which I have slung over my shoulder. “Hey!” I yell.

Tommy

“Hey!” the girl yells, her blond bun bobbing up and down as she starts to chase me. I take off, knowing the drill. She’ll chase me for a minute or two and then get tired, running back to mommy and daddy, crying about losing her lipstick or whatever junk she keeps in this thing. I glance behind me, hoping she’s gone and I can go through the bag and see if there’s anything good in here. Surprisingly she’s still chasing, and gaining on me quickly. Her parents are chasing her now as well as shouting at her to come back. Suddenly I have an idea. We are nearing an abandoned subway tunnel. I plan to duck in there; surely she’s not stupid enough to try to follow me, and it’s too boarded up for an adult to make it through the tunnel. I slip through the boards, but to my surprise, she follows me!

Macie

I duck through the boards, not thinking about anything but how much I need to get that bag back. He has stopped running and is looking behind me with wide eyes. I turn around in time to see the tunnel collapse, my parents right next to it. I run back over to it. “Momma!” I shriek, knowing she can’t hear me. The blockage is thick, packed tight with rock. I will myself not to cry, but it isn’t working, and before I know it I’m sobbing. I don’t know where the boy went, because it is pitch black dark down here. I just know they won’t be able to rescue me and I’m gonna die down here, and I still don’t have my bag!

Tommy

I hear a noise after the entrance closes, and I realize she’s crying. She’s going to use up all the air that might need to last us weeks! “Shut up, will you?” I snap, to which she cries harder. “Shut up, do you want to use up all the air that’s left in here?” I reprimand her as forcefully as I can, but the truth is I’m terrified, and I just want to cry as well. She quiets down and get up to walk over to me. I expect her to hit me or something, after the way she was chasing me like she wanted to rip my throat out. I brace myself for whatever might come, knowing it would be foolish to try and run. I have no way of knowing what lurks down here. “Can I please just have my bag back?” the girl asks weakly. I toss it to her, and she begins ruffling through it. “Hallelujah, it’s still here,” she says, and a light shines, illuminating the dark. I lean in to look at what I guess to be her phone, and to my surprise she doesn’t pull away. Instead, she just stares at me.

Macie

He leans in, entranced by my phone. That’s when I get my first good look at his face. I can’t help but stare at his dirty blond hair and sad green eyes. I can’t believe how young he is. Now I’m glad I didn’t hit him for taking my bag. He’s incredibly skinny and I’m sure he only took the bag because he was hungry. He looks scared now, and I’m thankful I’m not alone down here. “Okay, I have two packs of crackers, six sticks of gum, three water bottles, and a chocolate bar in my bag. How long do you think it’ll take them to get us out?” I ask him, trying to figure out how long my stash will last us. “What?” he mumbles, and I wonder if he’s become stupid living in the streets. “How long do you think it will take the police and such to get us out of here?” I repeat, frustration evident in my tone. “I understood the question,” he snaps, all of a sudden looking less scared and more annoyed. “I don’t understand why you’re going to share with me. I tried to take your bag. You should be mad at me. As for getting out, there’s no telling. We could be here for hours or weeks, depending on the thickness on rock,” he says, leaning back against the smooth, cold wall of the subway.

Tommy

Her face falls when I tell her how long it may take, but she quickly regroups. “How could I be mad at you for simply trying to stay alive? Besides, you’re like, seven,” she answers. “I’m eight!” I say indignantly. “Whatever,” she rolls her eyes. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, she speaks again. “What’s your name?” she asks. This time I roll my eyes. “‘What’s your name?’” I mock, “We are trapped in an abandoned subway tunnel with very limited food and water, and you want us to sit around and get to know each other with pointless questions like ‘What’s your name?’ Well guess what? Names won’t matter when we die here,” I’m shouting by the end, because honestly, I’m done with the girl. I don’t care whether or not we make it out of here; even if I make it out her parents will have me arrested for sure. I decide that the best way to deal with the cold and dark is just to sleep through it, and I’m all laid down when I hear her crying, again. I do feel bad I made her cry, but I don’t know what to do. She needs to realize that our survival rate is not high.

Macie

I’m crying harder now than I was earlier. I was just trying to be friendly, and he had to go on about how we’re going to die here anyway. I knew that was likely, but I was trying to ignore that thought. I don’t know what I’m gonna do now. I think he’s gone to go sleep over on the other side of the tunnel. I feel something touch my shoulder and I shriek. “Shhh, it’s just me,” he states and sits back down beside me. “Tommy. That’s my name,” he tells me. “I thought you said it didn’t matter,” I sniff, and wipe at my nose with sleeve. “If it’ll get you to shut up, I’ll tell you my favorite animal too,” he remarks sarcastically. I giggle, and answers his unspoken question. “Mine’s Macie,” “Your favorite animal is a macie?” he wrinkles his brow as he speaks, and waits just long enough to grin so that I think I’m gonna have to explain what I meant. “Gotcha,” he giggles now, and I remember the kid is only eight. “You’re thirteen,” he says, and I’m surprised he guessed right. “How’d you know?” I question him. “I heard your mom yell, ‘I’ll ground you till’ you’re fourteen,’ when you ducked through the boards,” he admits, and I look at the ground, feeling tears pricking in my eyes. I just want my mom and dad and even Delaney! “Who’s Delaney?” Tommy asks. “Oops, I guess I said that out loud. My little sister, she’s five,” I tell him, and this time he looks at the ground. He doesn’t speak for a long time.

Tommy

What would it be like, I wonder, to have family? I know I used to have a mama, until she didn’t come home from work one day. I don’t know if I have siblings. No one will miss me if we don’t make it out of here. And even if we do, my life still sucks. I can feel Macie looking over at me, and I realize I do have one person who cares about me, at least a little. “So, what time is it?” I ask, trying to move on. “One fifteen,” Macie answers, pulling out her phone again. “Do you want to eat?” I ask. “Sure, how do you want to divide up the food?” Macie looks at me and then at the food. “How about we each eat three crackers now, each drink a little out of a water bottle, and chew a piece of gum to keep us busy,” She suggests, and I agree. We eat in silence, both of us realizing how hungry we actually are. After I drink the water I decide to go to sleep instead of eating gum. “You can just go to sleep in the middle of the day?” Macie looks confused. “You aren’t cold or hungry when you sleep. I sleep quite frequently just to escape those things,” I explain, and she decides to sleep as well. It’s colder laying down, but I ignore it as best I can and soon I’m asleep.

Macie

I don’t dream much, but it seems like not much time has passed before I’m awaken by a rumbling noise. “Macie, Macie,” someone is calling. Only one person would be calling me. “Tommy,” I shout and look around. I can’t see him anywhere. I do see my mom, she’s the one calling me. The tunnel is open, but rocks are falling all around. “Mama,” I call out, and take off running to her, any thought of Tommy leaving my mind. I run in to her arms and hug her, and only then do I think about the boy I’ve left behind. I whip around in time to see the rocks all collapse once more, further in this time, and I’m certain they crushed him. “Tommy,” I shout again, and I push my mom off of me. I run over to the pile and just cry. I know I’ll have to explain to my parents what happened, but for now I just cry. It’s strange, how someone you knew for such a short period of time can make such a difference. I know he’s happier now, and even though I’m sad, I am glad he doesn’t have to be homeless anymore. I just wish I could have given him a home.

Tommy

I open my eyes, and I notice I’m not cold anymore. Also it isn’t dark. I can’t see much because my eyes are still adjusting to the light. I can see the outline of a figure in the distance. “Macie?” I call out. She walks to me. “No, Tommy, mama,” she whispers quietly. “Mama,” I cry excitedly and wrap her in a hug. I know everything is going to be okay now. I just hope Macie is okay down there.

That's it for today. I'll have something else up Wednesday. Till then, Xoxo.

Week in Review #5

What's up guys? Today's post is another week in review. It's kinda short, especially compared to last week, but I'm exhausted and ready to recover next week. But here are some of the highlights. 

*Saturday and Sunday I basically did nothing but sleep and recover from Summer Salt. I had eaten so little the whole week before that I actually had to warm up to regular food.

*Sunday I did go out with my family and my uncle and cousins on their boat. Its a lot of fun.

*Monday started another week of camp. This time, I was running a praise dance camp for little girls. It was only three hours in the morning, but those girls kept us running for the full three hours. :) They were super sweet, and super wild. 

*I really didn't do anything but camp this week. I'm hoping next week I'll be able to swim some more, before we leave for the beach the week after next. 

*Yesterday I went to see Finding Dory with my best friends. It was really good! You definitely need to see this this summer. 

*I realized that last Tuesday marked a month since I started this. I guess I've done a pretty good job keeping up with it. 


That's it for this week. I'll try to have more interesting stuff next week. See ya then. Xoxo

Mid-Week Crash, a Lesson from Summer Salt, and Why I'm not Ready to Turn 17

Hey everybody. Today is Wednesday, and I'm kinda done. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. Camp every morning is taking more out of me then I originally thought. I'm glad its in the morning, and I can give the girls the best part of my day, before exhaustion sets in. This time last week I crashed too. I started feeling dizzy and sick in the afternoon, and ended up spending about an hour resting in the cool, dark room sipping water. Its funny, because, during the school year, Wednesdays are one of my favorite days. I go to youth group with my sister and bestfriends, so I look forward all week to that. But in summer, Wednesday's are the dead middle, right when I'm exhausted from climbing up the hill. Tomorrow I'll start heading down the hill, and it'll get easier. (finger crossed ;) 

Next week I'm planning to go into more detail about stuff I learned at Summer Salt, but I want to give you a little piece of that this week. I learned how to trust people a little more. A part of my anxiety surrounding social relationships is the fact that, starting in 6th grade, I can name at least two people who let me down and left. Not to mention people who moved, or changed schools and I didn't get to see nearly as much. It's taken a long time to find people who get me, and I'm terrified I'm going to lose them. Every weird thing I do I worry will be the thing that causes them to change their minds. But, my friends who came to Summer Salt with me were amazing. On Tuesday, I had a panic attack. I won't go into details, mainly because it would take to long and I'm not sure I could explain it anyway, but it ended with me going to down to find my friend, and upon finding her dissolving into tears. She was the most amazing person ever in that moment. She stayed calm, and eventually I settled down and was fine. That was the only panic attack I had all week. The chaperones with our group were also really nice about when we told what had happened and why I was with the wrong group. Same for my Bible study leader when we told her. And I say we because my friends stayed with me when I told people. The whole week, I felt like I had people on my team. That's a relatively new feeling, but a pretty great one. 

Finally, I realized yesterday I would turn 17 in just a month, and I am definitely not ready. My birthday is two days removed from the day my grandfather passed away last year. He was in an accident the 17th, I turned 16 the 21rst, and he died the 23rd. I'm celebrating my birthday in August this year, and a part of me wishes I could change it all together. I don't want to turn 17 yet, especially not then. But I can't do anything, so I take a deep breath and life goes on.

That's it for today. Sorry if it was kinda rambling. I just wanted to talk at you for a bit, instead of having an actual post. Next week I'll have my act together a bit better. :) Xoxo

Fear, A Description

Today's post is going to be short, because I'm exhausted. I don't think I mentioned it on here, but I'm running a dance camp this week for little girls, and, while I love it and them, I'm running on empty after being at Summer Salt all week last week. I had planned to tell you more about what I'd learned at Summer Salt on Wednesday, but I'm beginning to rethink that, and save it for next week. 

Today I want to share a paragraph with you I wrote two years ago. It was in the class that most of these pieces come from. We were supposed to pick a feeling and write a paragraph or poem describing it. 

Fear by Kathryne Courtney 10/6/14
I see it sneak past, as quiet as a shadow, yet I can feel it’s presence thick and heavy in the air. It lurks in the darkness, waiting for it’s next victim. When someone unfortunately happens to pass by, snap! It grabs them, slowly choking them until they give in with defeat. This is Fear.

That's all I feel like writing today. I'll try and have something up Wednesday. Xoxo

Summer Salt-Part One/Week in Review #4

The auditorium is dark except for two screens on either side where numbers flash on a blue screen, counting down. 600+ people stand on their chairs, watching the count down early. Music plays in the background, but its nearly impossible to hear over the roar of the crowd. The screen hits ten and everyone starts counting. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. The curtain opens and everyone jumps off the chairs onto the floor. In the same moment the screen switches to song lyrics, the band starts, and lights begin to flash. This is Summer Salt.

Hi everyone. Today was the last day of Summer Salt, and while I'm exhausted, I want to tell you about one of the best weeks of my life. This is part one, where I mostly focus on the experience itself. Some time later, once my thoughts get straitened out better, I'll share what I learned. 

First, since this is about the whole week, I have to start with last weekend, leading up to camp. Nothing much happened, except for me almost backing out of camp altogether. I got really freaked out Sunday at the thought of leaving for the week. I almost begged to not have to go. But, I took some deep breaths, and made it.

Now for camp details. Also, more about how the girl who couldn't make it past nine the first night on a youth retreat in February made it at a week long summer camp. I'm gonna start with some of the not-so-fun parts. 

Food was the worst part. I eat vegetarian and gluten free, so its already hard for me to find stuff to eat, combined with the fact I'm kind of a picky eater, and the food there wasn't very good. I had packed snack stuff to help with this, but I didn't have much with protein, which led to feeling bad some of the time. I also didn't drink enough some of the time, because I wouldn't think about needing to unless I actually felt thirsty. 

Water games also didn't go great. We were supposed to go to them in the afternoon, and we were split into middle school and high school groups for these. (side note: all my close friends and my sister were in middle school) On Tuesday, one group went to the lake and one to the pool. Well, when our chaperone told us that my friends and sister were supposed to go to the lake, and I was supposed to go the pool, I kinda freaked out. I started to go to the pool and they went to the lake, but I ended up panicking and following them to the lake. It ended up being ok, my Bible study leader and our chaperone were both really nice about it. Wednesday I didn't go to games either, middle school or high school, because I felt sick. I think I got dehydrated and overheated, based on the way I felt. Thursday, I did go with my right group, even though I didn't feel great, and it was fine. 

Now for some good stuff. 

Bible studies were really fun. I absolutely loved my person I was with. I was really scared at first, because I wasn't with anyone I knew well at all, but my leader was so great, I ended up loving it. She was one of the people who helped make camp easier. 

The group assemblies were fun too. There were usually two, one in the morning, one in the evening. This is what I was describing up at the top. We sang, and in the morning played games, and in the evening there was a skit, and a sermon from a head pastor at the camp. The assemblies may have been the most fun. 

After the evening group assemblies, we would have church group devotions where we'd go over what we'd learned in the assembly. After morning assemblies, we would have a quiet time where we'd do a devotion from our camp booklet. 

The other thing I did that was simultaneously my favorite and least favorite thing was the ropes course. I was really nervous about it, as the last time I did anything like that I freaked out. I was in a group with my Bible study leader and all the other people who were really scared. I learned that I am not actually scared of the ropes course at all. That part is fun. I am, however, extremely uncomfortable and anxious around sobbing, terrified people. The only part I was even a little scared of was going down. I had repel myself similar to climbing a rock wall. This scared my because the last time I had done that I hit my head kind of hard. But I made it. 

So in this section I want to tell you how I made it the whole week. It was through the help of a bunch of awesome people, and an even more awesome God. 
First, my Bible study leader was amazing. She made me feel relaxed, even though I was anxious about a lot that week. Like I said above, I ended up really enjoying the Bible study group time, despite not being with my friends or sister. 
Also, the chaperones their with my youth group. Specifically my youth pastor, David, his wife Katie, and Emily. Its been a new experience for me to have youth leaders I can really connect with, but having it here really helped. They helped when I lost my wallet, and stayed calm about the whole thing, which helped me to stay calmer. Katie and Emily helped me talk through and understand some of the lessons better. And Emily was kinda the person that I asked most questions to. She was super nice about everything. 
Some of the most important people I had were my friends and my sister. They were awesome, even to the point of telling people things or asking people things instead of me having to. I will forever be thankful for them.
Finally, and I'll go into this in more detail in part two, I had so much help from God. I could really feel Him walking with me through this week. An example, on Thursday I was too hungry to eat breakfast, and I didn't drink much water, so I was really nervous about the ropes course and how I'd feel. But, it all went fine, despite what I thought would happen. 

I'm gonna wrap this up here, this is definitely one of my longest posts. If you reading this are one of the people mentioned above, thank you so very much, from the bottom of my heart, for helping me. That's it for now. I'll have something new up Monday. :) Xoxo

A Look in my Quote 'Book'

Hi everyone! I'm still at Summer Salt right now, but I still have a Wednesday post for you. :) One thing that I like to do is collect lines from movies, tv shows, books, and songs that are either funny, or meaningful. Most of them are just for fun, but I've found some really deep ones on occasion. I keep them just in a note on my phone, and at this point I've got 47 of them. Today I wanted to share a few of them with you. 

"Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks," Forest Gump, Forest Gump. 

This was the very first quote I ever wrote down. At that point I wan't planning on keeping more, I just wanted to make sure I never forgot that one.

"I will not listen to childcare lectures from a man who put his daughter in a box and shipped her to Maine," Regina Mills, Once Upon a Time.

This might my favorite one. It's from my favorite character on my favorite show. 

"No one's going to hand you a ladder. If you want it bad enough, you'll build your own," Dr. J, Switched at Birth.

I love the determination this instills. 

"I save things, I just forget where I save them." "That's called losing things." Hilda Spellman, Zelda Spellman, Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

The first line is so much me it's not even funny! 

"So long as you live in the past, you will never find your future," Rumpelstiltskin, Once Upon a Time. 

I love this line almost as much as I love the fact I can hear it in my head exactly how he says it. 

"As hard as it seems, I hold my breath and just believe," The Middle of Starting Over, Sabrina Carpenter. 

This is part of the song my blog title comes from. Did I mention I love this song? ;)

"If you want the real magic, you take your chances. If you want the fake kind, you stay here and smile at everything." Luke, Dream Factory. 

This line comes from one of the best books I've ever read. There so many amazing parts of it, but this sort of summed it up. 

"Friends don't taze one another and stuff them in a car," Dixon, Burn Notice. 

Unless you're 'friends' with Fiona Glennan.

"The day before your whole life changes feels just like any other day," Daphne Vasquez, Switched at Birth. 

<3 this.

"Our motto is 'to serve and protect' not 'to serve and protect from giant man crabs,'" Sheriff, Scooby Doo Mystery Inc.

A little humor to end the list with. 

I hope you enjoyed reading these. I might share more another time. In a few days, I'll post about my Summer Salt experience. Till them, Xoxo

Some Poetry

Today I wanted to share with some poems I've written at various times. Some of them are in a more traditional style, and others follow a more unique pattern. Enjoy!


Poetry
Poetry is a chance to be
Some where new, some where where I'm really me
A chance not to fail, but rather be great
A chance to start over and have a clean slate
A chance to show everyone what's really inside you
And to realize sometimes your greatest friend is the pen right beside you

Shattered
Like a picture made of glass
Flicked with just a finger
Is how quickly all good things
Become shattered

Moonlight Path
Follow the light to the Moonlight Path and there you'll find me waiting
Follow me and you will see the path by which we will take
Towards Lovers Lane we will travel, and there all things will unravel
We'll be safe and sound and our love will abound and there we'll live happily ever after

Flying
Faster and faster I go
Slowly leaving the ground
Soaring up so high I might touch the sky
Until I remember what goes up 
Must come down

That's it for today! Today is day one of Summer Salt, and I'll let you know next week how that went. Xoxo

Week in Review #3

Hello! Sorry this is a day late, but I've been busy. I'll let you know all about it in this week's review. (pretend this was written on Friday :)

*Saturday I took the SAT. I was nervous, but I think I did pretty well. I won't know my score for a while, but this is the best I've ever felt after a standardized test like that. 

*This week we've been swimming at the Y a lot. I love swimming.

*Another thing I've been doing is preparing for is Summer Salt. That is a summer camp me and my sister are going to with our youth group. I'm definitely nervous, but I'm feeling pretty good about it. Part of the preparation has been writing and scheduling posts to go up Monday and Wednesday while I'm at camp. My Friday post might be late next week, that's the day I'll get home. 

*On Wednesday, we went to the mall. I got a couple of DS games, and a Once Upon A Time necklace. The necklace is the storybook. It even has real pages with page numbers!

*On Friday, I had a doctor's appointment. This was the next step in figuring out what I'm going to do as far as college and anxiety/Asperger's stuff goes. Mostly this was just a normal check-up, and I'll go to a follow up appointment later to discuss more about different options. I'll write more about that when I know more. 

That's it for this week. Next week I'll have more about Summer Salt. I'll write then. Xoxo. 

17 Random Questions

Hello! Today is Wednesday, which means I try and post something new. I have several ideas, but I'm trying to save them for later. So, even though it's not very original, I found a 17 Random Questions tag, and, since I'll turn 17 in a little over a month, I decided to use that. It's made for YouTube, but it works for this as well. :) Have fun learning a little more about me!

1) How did you get your blog title? I used lyrics from Sabrina Carpenter, one of my favorite singers. It seemed to fit how I felt heading in to this summer. It also fit considering this is the fourth time I've started over blogging. :)

2) If you could change your name to anything, what would it be and why? First, I wouldn't ever want to change my name. Because of my writing, I'm constantly creating characters, and I go through spells where I really like certain names, and then I don't like them anymore, and I like other ones. If I ever changed my name, I'd just end up wanting to switch it back in a few weeks. Names I currently like include: Lorelai, Lilith, and Logan. (I seem to be into L's right now :)

3) If you could go back in time and give your younger self advice, what would it be and why? It all works out in the end. Being the controlling person I am, I've always stressed when things don't work out the way I feel they should. I'd love to be able to go back and tell little me that it'll be ok. 

4) How old were you when you first learned to blow a bubblegum bubble? I can't remember how old I was exactly, but I remember exactly when it was. I was 10 or 11, and I was at my friends 11th or 12th birthday, and she did a video scavenger hunt. One of the things we did was go into a store, buy bubblegum, and everyone had to blow a bubble. Up until that point I hadn't ever been able to, but that night I figured it out. I was the last one, but I did it. 

5) What did you want to be when you were little? Depends on how little. When I was five, I wanted to be a ballerina. When I was ten, I wanted to be a teacher. 

6) What do you order at Starbucks? I don't do Starbucks very often, and I don't drink coffee ever, because I don't like it. But when I do get Starbucks I get a vanilla bean frappuccino. 

7) What's the hardest you've ever laughed? At some of my bestfriends' house with my siblings while we were all trying to eat supper. It wasn't even about anything specific, I just remember no one could eat because we were dying laughing the entire time. 

8) If you could play any musical instrument what would it be and why? Honestly, I don't really have an answer. I'm like the least musical person ever. I can't sing to save my life, and anytime I've tried to learn piano it's been way hard. I've kinda given up on the idea of playing anything, and I just don't care. If singing counts, then I'd like to be able to sing with at least mediocre ability. 

9) What's your favorite thing to do when you're upset? Watch YouTube.

10) What's your favorite movie? I don't really have one. I like a lot of movies, but I can't pick a favorite. A few of my favorites include: Princess Bride, Enchanted, Milo and Otis, and Zootopia. 

11) What's one food you cannot live without? Peanut butter. I eat it with everything, and eat it straight out of the jar sometimes.

12) What's your favorite dessert? Either cheesecake or sherbet. I can't pick between them.

13) Favorite pizza topping? Pineapple. 

14) Would you rather have the super power to read minds, or the super power to be be invisible? Definitely the power to turn invisible. I can't tell you how many times I've wished I could be invisible in certain situations. I also wouldn't want to read minds, I feel like you'd get your feelings hurt a lot that way.  

15) What did you do for your last birthday? I went ice skating with a couple close friends and my siblings. Afterwards we went back to the house and just hung out for a while. It was pretty great. 

16) If you had one personal "selfish" wish, what would it be and why? For my own room. I share a room with my sisters, have shared it for years, and hated almost every minute of it. As we've gotten older it keeps getting harder. If I had a wish, that'd be it. 

17) If you were a Pokemon what would you be called? What would you look like? I can't really answer this, I've never played anything at all Pokemon related, so I have no idea how to answer this. My knowledge of Pokemon only cover the fact that Pikachu is adorable. :)

Well, I hope you enjoyed this post. I had fun answering the questions. I'll write again on Friday! Xoxo

Sea Turtles and Conservation

This Monday I want to share with you more about me, and some writing from last year. I am an animal person, always have been. always will be. :) Last year I took a Marine biology class, and decided that I wanted to something with conservation when I go to college. Through different projects and papers I learned so much about the importance of taking care of our oceans and the creatures in them. Today I'd like to share with you a paper I wrote talking about sea turtles. I've also linked at the bottom a YouTube video I did talking about sea turtles. It says some of the things the paper does, but focuses specifically on conservation, rather than sea turtles as a whole. I hope enjoy this, and learn a little as well. 

Introduction

Sea turtles are one of nature’s most fascinating and popular creatures, and yet they are also one of the most endangered. There are fewer and fewer sea turtles around each year. Also, while “sea turtle” is used as a general term, there are seven specific species of sea turtle. (3,3)  One thing that makes sea turtles special is that with the exception of a few species of marine snakes, they are the only living group of reptiles which spend their lives in a marine environment. (1,15)

Characteristics of Sea Turtles

Sea turtles are different from land turtles, and this can be seen especially in the way the body is formed in a sea turtle. Sea turtles have fore and hind flippers, which are paddle shaped. These help it to glide through the water. It’s shell is streamlined, which also helps it glide through the water. It cannot pull its head into its shell like land turtles, but its armored skull and large size makes up for that. (1,9) Their shells are made up of two parts: the carapace, which is the upper part, and the plastron, which is the lower part. These parts are held together by cartilage. Keratinous, scale-like scutes cover the carapace in most species. They have beak-like jaws, and they lack teeth. They do not have external ears, and their eardrums are covered by skin. They hear best at low frequencies; they have an exceptional sense of smell; and, while they can see well underwater, above water they are near sighted. (1,15)

Sea turtles cannot maintain a consistent internal body temperature, which means extreme temperatures can be fatal. (1,16) They do not have internal mechanisms to cool or heat themselves. They rely solely on their environment. This means that they are ectothermic. Sea turtle nesting usually happens at night; the darkness serves as protection from predators and the hot sun. (1,12)

Sea turtles are marine reptiles. They are not fish, and don’t have gills, which in turn means they don’t breathe under water. Instead, they spend most of their time under-water, but come to the surface to breathe. They have special lungs which permit rapid exchange of oxygen. They can sleep and rest while underwater for several hours at a time, but heightened activity or stress shortens this time. This is why they drown relatively quickly when caught in fishing nets. (1,15-16) Fishing nets are just one of the human-inflicted problems sea turtles face.

Sea Turtle Endangerment

As fascinating as sea turtles are, we are running out. Sea turtle numbers keep decreasing, because not very long ago they were heavily hunted for their meat, eggs, shells, oil, and leather. Even though this trade is banned or strictly regulated in most places, humans are still inadvertently killing sea turtles. Thousands of them drown in shrimp nets, gill nets, and on the hooks of long lines each year. Still more are ground up in drudges, entangled in monofilament, or kill by accidentally ingesting plastic. Ocean front property has destroyed nesting beaches, giving sea turtles fewer places to lay their eggs. (1,9) This is a horrible tragedy both in an ethical sense and in a scientific sense.

Fortunately, human efforts to protect the sea turtles are growing. There are many different organizations all over the world working to protect beaches and clean oceans for the turtles. These include the Ocean Isle Beach Sea Turtle Protection Organization, the Sea Turtle Conservancy, and many, many more.  Researchers are also learning more and more each year about the all the different mysteries surround the sea turtles. (1,13) With everyone’s hard work, the number of sea turtles will hopefully keep growing, and future generations of both species will enjoy that.

Conclusion

Sea turtles are fascinating and beautiful creatures who need someone to fight for their lives as they cannot. Sea turtles have a pretty long lifespan, depending on the species, ranging from 75-100 years. (1,19) However, the odds of a hatchling surviving to reproduce as an adult are less than 1 out of 1,000. (1,20) One out of one thousand. Work is being done to help them, and we need to do all that we can while we still have time. Jeff Ripple puts it well in his book Sea Turtles.  “There is still time-but precious little of it-to ensure that the ancient spectacle of a female loggerhead digging her nest on a moonlit, sandy beach will be a memorable event for future generations of turtles and humans.” (1,13)

References

1: Ripple, J. (1996). Sea Turtles. Stillwater, Minnesota: Voyageur Press.

2. Witherington, B. (2006). Sea Turtles An Extraordinary Natural History of Some Uncommon Turtles. St. Paul, Minnesota: Voyageur Press. 

3. Spotila, J. (2004). Sea Turtles: A Complete Guide to Their Biology, Behavior, and Conservation. Baltimore, Maryland: The John Hopkins University Press.

Link to my video: https://youtu.be/a4UJ10NiL6M

Week in Review #2

Hi everyone! So, this week has been pretty low-key. I've been enjoying the lazy summer days. Here are some of the highlights from this week. 

*All week I've been studying for the SAT. I go tomorrow to take it. I'm feeling pretty good about it, and am considerably less nervous then when I took the ACT two months ago. 

*On Sunday I watched another movie, and focused on only that for the entire duration of it. This week's movie was Ratatouille. 

*Monday I went with my mom to Pelican's, and got a snowball, and got a pup cup for my dog. Blondie (my dog) loved it! She finished it in less than five minutes. My snowball was Polar Punch and Skylight flavored.

*That evening all of my family, except my brother, went out to eat at Mellow Mushroom. They have some of the best pizza ever. (but not quite as good as Ledo's)

*I also got to go swimming again this week. This time it was at the outdoor pool, which was kinda cold. In the middle we got Italian Ice's at the snack shack next to the pool. 

*Yesterday (Thursday), we went to camp ground/State park. Our cousins are camping this week, and we went down there and played with them. My sisters and I caught baby frogs, and built a sort of habitat out of give-a-way stuff we found in the back of our van. 

*Tonight it'll be just me and my mom here, my dad and siblings are going to spend the night at the campground with the cousins. It's nice when its just the two of us, because it stays quiet. We're probably going to watch a movie, and then I'm trying to go to bed somewhat early, because I have get up at practically the crack of dawn for testing tomorrow. 

That's it for this week. See you next week! Xoxo

Life out of a Box

Today I want to talk about one of the reasons I started this blog. I didn't talk about it in the introduction, because I wasn't sure I even wanted to go this route with it, but I think its an important part of my story. This post might wander a little, but try to stay with me. This is key to understand where I'm coming from with various things I talk about later on.

I have Asperger's syndrome. I also have anxiety along with that, and some OCD tendencies. Its something I've lived with my whole life, but I've just recently been officially diagnosed. 

When I first started realizing it was a likely possibility, I tried to find female, teenage YouTubers and bloggers out there who also had Asperger's or autism. There weren't that many that I could find, so I decide that-after I had an official diagnosis-I'd start my own blog, and maybe eventually a YouTube channel, to help offer support to others going through the same thing. The thing is, life doesn't just fall nicely into little boxes the way I had anticipated. 

After have testing done, it turns out I do have all the characteristics of Asperger's, as well as anxiety that likely stemmed from that. It's hard to tell if the anxiety came first and cause behaviors that mimic Asperger's, or if Asperger's has caused me to be anxious because I feel out of control in certain situations.  I also have OCD tendencies seem to stem from both, but that ones not an official diagnosis. 

I decided then not to pursue the blog idea. I felt intimidated at the thought of explaining all of this. I had wanted one label to explain to people, not several. And then I decided to start a blog anyway.

Originally I wasn't going to talk about this at all. I was going to post old pieces of writing, and the only new writing was going to be my weekly reviews. And I was going to carefully leave out anything mental health related in those.

But I wasn't happy. I still felt like I needed to share my story, even though it doesn't fit into a box the way I'd like. So, here it is. Here I am. And even when its hard, I wouldn't want any other story. 

If you have any questions about any of this, feel free to comment them, and I'll try and answer them as accurately as I can. At some point I'll have a post up that talks more specifically about my experiences with Asperger's and anxiety, but I didn't want this post to be to long. Thank you for reading. Xoxo