Hey everybody. Today is Wednesday, and I'm kinda done. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. Camp every morning is taking more out of me then I originally thought. I'm glad its in the morning, and I can give the girls the best part of my day, before exhaustion sets in. This time last week I crashed too. I started feeling dizzy and sick in the afternoon, and ended up spending about an hour resting in the cool, dark room sipping water. Its funny, because, during the school year, Wednesdays are one of my favorite days. I go to youth group with my sister and bestfriends, so I look forward all week to that. But in summer, Wednesday's are the dead middle, right when I'm exhausted from climbing up the hill. Tomorrow I'll start heading down the hill, and it'll get easier. (finger crossed ;)
Next week I'm planning to go into more detail about stuff I learned at Summer Salt, but I want to give you a little piece of that this week. I learned how to trust people a little more. A part of my anxiety surrounding social relationships is the fact that, starting in 6th grade, I can name at least two people who let me down and left. Not to mention people who moved, or changed schools and I didn't get to see nearly as much. It's taken a long time to find people who get me, and I'm terrified I'm going to lose them. Every weird thing I do I worry will be the thing that causes them to change their minds. But, my friends who came to Summer Salt with me were amazing. On Tuesday, I had a panic attack. I won't go into details, mainly because it would take to long and I'm not sure I could explain it anyway, but it ended with me going to down to find my friend, and upon finding her dissolving into tears. She was the most amazing person ever in that moment. She stayed calm, and eventually I settled down and was fine. That was the only panic attack I had all week. The chaperones with our group were also really nice about when we told what had happened and why I was with the wrong group. Same for my Bible study leader when we told her. And I say we because my friends stayed with me when I told people. The whole week, I felt like I had people on my team. That's a relatively new feeling, but a pretty great one.
Finally, I realized yesterday I would turn 17 in just a month, and I am definitely not ready. My birthday is two days removed from the day my grandfather passed away last year. He was in an accident the 17th, I turned 16 the 21rst, and he died the 23rd. I'm celebrating my birthday in August this year, and a part of me wishes I could change it all together. I don't want to turn 17 yet, especially not then. But I can't do anything, so I take a deep breath and life goes on.
That's it for today. Sorry if it was kinda rambling. I just wanted to talk at you for a bit, instead of having an actual post. Next week I'll have my act together a bit better. :) Xoxo
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